Presenting a target
You will be successful in jousting if you can put yourself, your horse, and your lance in the proper place so as to provide your opponent with an honorable target. In order to create the satisfaction of a successful strike, you must do this with similarly minded people who can also put themselves, their horse, and their lance in the proper place.
The honor of missing your opponent
It is more important for you to be in, and for you to train your horse to be in, the right position against the tilt during the pass than it is for you to break your lance against your opponent. It may sound counter-intuitive, but breaking your lance against your opponent is not in your best interest if your opponent is in the wrong place. "Reaching" for your opponent shifts your weight, surprises your horse, and works against the calm repeatability that we are training towards. In addition, it looks very awkward and not noble. Don't give in to the temptation of compromising your own position because of your opponent's problem.
Putting yourself in the right place
In order to present a good target to your opponent, you must keep your horse comfortably close to the tilt for the duration of the pass.
Putting your lance in the right place
Your target is your opponents ecranche. If your opponent does not have an ecranche, your target is your opponents left upper breastplate, just inboard of their shoulder.
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